I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
