everyone is single if you try hard enough
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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