apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize