All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
