Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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