one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
