is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
