I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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