wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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