We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
