I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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