Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
