I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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