Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
