I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
