Even water is tasting like jack daniels
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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