I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
