Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
