I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
