Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
