Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
