Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
A+ Viking dick
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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