My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
