I'm lost and stupid without you.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
