okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
