alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
