it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
