I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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