There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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