if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
