Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
