Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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