yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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