god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
