I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
