and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
