it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
