Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i now understand why vodka
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
