Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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