i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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