If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
