Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize