It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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