can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize