nut hugger
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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