Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
