I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
