just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
