Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
