it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
