Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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