You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
