so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
