Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
