i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
