He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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