Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize