I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm having to shit out rocks
try to milk me bitch
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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