question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
