...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
