sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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