it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
A bitchslap is in order.
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