so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
