I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
