Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

I heard you threw up in your lap?

(1-541): View more from Oregon

I heard that too.

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(573): View more from Missouri

I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.

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(513): View more from Ohio

With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap

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(856): View more from New Jersey

It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...

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(850): View more from Florida

He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."

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(716): View more from New York

We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?

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(817): View more from Texas

And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon

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(+61): View more from Australia

we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...

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