Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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