Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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