I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
How's work?
Spinning.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
