This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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