Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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