Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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